Shipping a Loved One

One of the most common questions we get when booking an ash scattering service is how to ensure the ashes arrive safely to Hawaii.

Most of our families have been holding onto the ashes of a loved one for awhile, sometimes even years, and when it comes to finally making the arrangements to say goodbye, have a hard time with the entire process let alone trusting an outside source with handing the ashes and ensuring they arrive safely in Hawaii for the memorial service. 

Some families decide to travel with the ashes, which you have every right to do under current TSA Regulations. However, if the cremains are traveling in a metal urn, or one that prevents TSA from seeing inside of the container you will not be allowed to carry on your loved one's ashes. 

From TSA's website: 

"Out of respect to the deceased and their family and friends, under no circumstances will an officer open the container even if the passenger requests this be done. Documentation from the funeral home is not sufficient to carry a crematory container through security and onto a plane without screening. 

You may transport the urn as checked baggage provided that it is successfully screened. We will screen the urn for explosive materials/devices using a variety of techniques; if cleared, it will be permitted as checked baggage only.  

Some airlines do not allow cremated remains as checked baggage so please check with your air carrier before attempting to transport a crematory container in checked baggage.  

Crematory containers are made from many different types of materials, all with varying thickness. At present, we cannot state for certain whether your particular crematory container can successfully pass through an X-ray machine. However, we suggest that you purchase a temporary or permanent crematory container made of a lighter weight material such as wood or plastic that can be successfully X-rayed."

Sounds like a lot of headache doesn't it?? 

Hawaii Ash Scatterings recommends on our site the use of USPS Priority Registered Mail. Most cremain containers the funeral homes provide fit nicely into the Flat Rate boxes provided for free at post offices across the US. Priority Boxes are also available for International customers. We recommend that you also request a Signature Confirmation to ensure that a representative of Hawaii Ash Scatterings received the ashes and they aren't left out in the elements but are brought into our secured home office. 

By shipping Priority Registered Mail through the United States Postal Service, you ensure your loved one's ashes will arrive quickly, as well as through a reliable and economical method of shipment. With tracking and/or signature confirmation you can have peace of mind that your loved one's ashes have arrived safely and are being handled by experienced professionals in the preparation for your cruise. 

**For outer island and non-floral services, shipping methods are slightly different, so please inquire directly with Hawaii Ash Scatterings for more information. 

What not to say.

We've all been there. A funeral, an ash scattering, a memorial service for a close family member or a friend of a friend a couple times removed. Not sure what mood to embrace. If it will be a event of celebration for the achievements of one's life or a time full of tears and mourning. We've also at some point or another been a little confused as to what may or may not be appropriate to say during an event such as this. Sure at weddings and birthdays you offer a congratulatory pat on the back, or the raise of a glass for the new and happy couple; but at an ash scattering?  

We've found that a lot of guests participating in our services are a little lost when it comes to this field, so as a result we have compiled a list of what is better left unsaid. 

He/She is in a better place.

There are few people who, while grieving a loss, will agree with you on this one. They may nod but really they are probably wishing for whoever has died to return to them. This has religious connotations and may provide some with relief but not all so is best left unsaid.

He/She looks so peaceful.

This is one of those classic silence breakers where the person saying it, does not actually believe it but feels the need to say something. Rule number one, silence is okay.

Let me know if there is anything I can do.

This is another classic phrase. Do not say this. Call them, drop by, send an email or a letter, drop in some food, bring them somewhere. They won’t know what you can do, so just do it.

I am sorry for your loss.

This gets said a lot and unfortunately has become generic as a result. A plain ‘I’m sorry’ is better and seems more heartfelt.

I know how you feel.

One of my pet peeves. No-one ever knows how you feel. Whether you have lost a pet, a mother, father, brother, grandmother, aunt, friend, uncle you didn’t even like, nobody will ever know how you feel about that person and the fact that they are not there anymore.

How are you feeling/holding up/keeping?

I can’t presume to know how they are feeling and they will not want to be asked this a million times. Everyone does it but what do they expect the answer to be?

He is finally at peace.

This is said to provide some form of comfort to those who are grieving but it does little to accomplish this.

I have been guilty of a number of these phrases myself over the years and so I know that the uttering of these phrases is never meant maliciously, or inappropriately but they are also void of feeling and are what I now call ‘silence killers’. If you are at a loss for what to say, simply say “I don’t know what to say”. Honesty can be the kindest thing to someone grieving.

My best advice when you are not sure is to give the person a hug and a little aloha spirit, as sometimes words are just not enough.